A few weeks ago I posted about my “Ultimate Manifestation Experiment”. My experiment was posting my heart’s desire at the moment – obtaining a 3 day a week job in my current field – which would allow me to pursue other priorities in my life right now. I asked the Universe for this opportunity to be delivered by March 31, 2010.
I was feeling really good about the whole thing. I was writing about this opportunity and could feel how it would enrich and shift the rest of my life. Even visualizing about the whole thing made me feel very relieved and happy. I was in the groove and feeling very excited about it.
So what happened? It is now April 9, 2010. Did I allow this opportunity to come to me? Well, to some extent yes, and to some extent no.
As I added to the bottom of my first post, I was invited to a job interview for a 3 day a week position. The fact that I had the interview period, thrilled me. I made real for me the possibility for a 3 day a week job does exist and that I could get one!
Then, before the end of March two events happened which I threw me out of alignment with my desires.
After going to the job interview, I realized I had some serious contemplation to do if I wanted to work for that particular company. I wasn’t sure if I could live with the company’s values. I wasn’t sure that the job was enough in alignment with my values that I could work there, even part-time.
I also realized that there are so many things about my current job that I take for granted that I love. A couple of these things are my proximity to my friends for lunches, and to my husband’s work. I didn’t realize how much I appreciated the great exercise program I have where I work. Also, my work is close to my house, and this is very important for me so I can drop off and pick up my kids. These were all things I didn’t realize were necessary to my quality of life, until I considered not having them.
Also, I had a psychic reading. Her reading totally threw me off. She didn’t say I wouldn’t get a 3 day a week job. In fact she told me if I wanted to, I could in fact get a five day a week job doing what I loved. Which is great….except that I don’t really want a full-time job, and I’m not sure I could believe that a full-time job reality is possible for me at the moment.
At the moment, I just do not believe that I could switch from my current job, to a five day a week doing what I love. Also, I don’t really think one full-time job is what I want. In order for visualization to work, you must actually be able to believe with your heart that it can happen for you. I need some time to explore my interests to figure out other things that I want to do for a living. That is partly what freeing up some time for myself is all about. The other part is more flexible time to spend with my kids. So even though there may be a great opportunity for me five days a week, that is not what I want for myself.
By the last week of March I was feeling very irritated and out of sorts and couldn’t get back to “my happy place” visualizing, because I wasn’t even sure what it was anymore. This meant I did not have a clear picture to focus on.
I’ve learned some very important lessons about clarity and focus.
- All the criteria that you truly desire must be in your visualization. When confronted with whether or not I could work part-time for a company that I didn’t really believe in, I realized that I can’t. My part-time work has to match my authentic values to at least some degree. If authenticity is my ultimate goal, then not aligning with my authentic self at work at a job, even though it’s only part-time, is not going to work. Also I realized I left some details out my visualization that, while they may appear minor, really do matter to me.
- What I want is what I want, and that is the only thing that matters. It doesn’t matter if there is something that someone else thinks is better out there. It’s all about what I consider best. If I am happy with what I want, that is great. If the focus on that vision is the one I desire, then that is what I’m focusing on.
- My feelings are the ultimate litmus test about whether things are on track for me. When I am in alignment with my vision of the future, I feel relieved and happy and excited. When I got all confused I was irritated and unfocussed and my body felt yucky – I was not aligned with anything. Not my own vision and definitely not with Source. So I must remember to always be guided by my feelings.
Yay! It’s on track again!
So, the good news is that because of these experiences, I have become clearer and clearer on what I want.
I have been able to become more specific about what I want. I’m back in the place of writing about it every day and feeling very excited and happy about it. I’m back on track (thanks a lot to my coach!) and I’m very optimistic about great things happening this month.
In the meantime, I’m practicing gratitude for what I have. I’m cleaning up my office in anticipation of leaving. Each day I’m listening for those small whispers which give me clues on action I should take to move things forward.
And I again have faith that it is going to happen. : )
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Thanks to Mara ~earth light~’s for the lovely photo!