I am dealing with alot of free-floating anxiety these days!! Mostly fear of the unknown about jobs and money.
But I have not been coping with all this fear very well. In fact, my fear has immobilized me so much that sometimes I dissociate from my body. I have been physically frozen because of my fear. It becomes a vicious cycle. When I am in such a fearful state, I am unable to connect with Source. When I’m freaked out, the more times I ask for guidance. But because I am so afraid, I cannot connect with my intuition. My physically closed off state is choking off my connection to Source. And not being in alignment scares me more, and I get more afraid.
I only realized how bad it was yesterday once a fearful issue was resolved. My body relaxed, and low and behold, my Flow was restored again. Suddenly I could see signs again, and receive messages from Source. It was only then, that I realized I must be relaxed in my body, to receive what comes from Source. This may seem obvious to some people, but when big scary things are happening to me, I can’t really remember how to do it or make myself do it. Sounds stupid, but it is something I have to keep reminding myself of. I am trying to remember the super-important connection between my body and my Spirit.
The Opposite of Fear is Trust
The opposite of fear is trust. Since trusting the Universe to provide is one of my biggest life (and past life) lessons, it is not surprising that I am being faced with this in a huge way right now.
The worst thing is, my fear is telling the Universe that I don’t trust it. Fear chokes off my Flow. It is my futile attempt to control how abundance reaches me. As I’m going into the unknown, I have nothing to hold on to and this is scary. So to allow me to feel in control, I’m holding onto my fear. By holding on to my fear, I’m telling the Universe “I don’t actually believe that You will send what I need.” This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I can’t receive guidance, the worse my situation gets from acting out of fear.
When I am enmeshed in my fear, I avoid activities I knew would help me (yoga, walking outside, exercise). I eat anything sugary, and move as little as possible. I also seem unable to write my down manifestations. These are my instinctive ways of comforting myself on a very basic survival level. But they don’t really help, they only help me survive. I am not getting real soul “nourishment”. I am posting this to remind myself, and anyone reading, about what to do. Facing fear is the hardest work there is. I’d better say it again so I really remember.
FACING FEAR IS THE HARDEST WORK THERE IS.
When I am facing my fears and walking the scary walk through unknown places I don’t like to tread, it takes massive amounts of energy. Remembering to care for myself takes discipline (and possibly a tattoo on my forehead). I need to remember how to get myself back into alignment. I must remember that only the Universe is ever in control, and that it has my ultimate growth at heart. And even though I’m not in control, that’s okay too. (This is REALLY hard for me to accept.)
When I am in states where my basic fear is so activated, I must practice extreme self-care. This is just like looking after a child. Upon noticing my fear, the first thing I have to ask myself is “Have I had enough sleep, enough food, enough physical exercise and enjoyable playtime?” Usually the answer is “no”, which is good, because it means I can easily remedy the situation. It always shocks me that I can get into this most basic state of misalignment simply through my own neglect of myself.
Put Myself First
I have to remember to PUT MYSELF FIRST. This is particularly hard for mothers of young children to remember and put into action. “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is the truest statement at my house. It is also a basic rule of medical triage. If you don’t tend to your own needs first, you are in no shape to look after anyone else.
For me this means first, scheduling time for myself, and secondly, putting very rigid boundaries around time I set aside for myself. Nothing else can become more important than tending to my own needs. (This is what I always forget!!)
This brings me back to the present and why I have been in bad shape. These are times of massive transition for me. Giant external issues become the driving force in my life, and I have been devoting almost all of my time and attention to them, and then to my family. By the time I tend to my own needs, there is usually nothing left for me. While most of these changes will lead to very good things, since they are massive changes, they evoke a lot of fear and require a lot of attention. This means they suck an enormous amounts of energy from me.
I must remember that facing fear is BIG WORK. I must give myself permission to look after myself without guilt. It is okay if I need to sleep 12 hours a day when I am doing this. It is okay for me to turn down social engagements. It is okay to say “no” to volunteering. It is okay for me to have time when I am doing absolutely nothing (I know this sounds crazy to people who don’t have kids).
Time for me means that my body will be able to slow down enough to a pace where I will naturally wish to breathe, eat healthy foods, spend time outside, and do things that normal humans do like laugh, and have fun. I am putting operation “Radical Self-Care” into action immediately. Today. This moment.
Honoring Your Needs is Trusting the Universe
I believe if I honor my body’s needs, I honor who I really am. I enable myself to fulfill my life’s purpose and live my authenticity. Honoring my body is my way of being present and trusting the Universe. While it is so scary for me to truly trust that things will work out, I know I must. I must keep reaching for that feeling of trust even if it scares me. It is what I must learn to do here this time. Learning to act, when it is time, even though I am afraid, is the only way I can genuinely progress on my path.
Anyways, the good news for me is the giant events in my life are gradually resolving. Once I can tie a big scary issue down to something tangible, I can work with it in a very manageable way. I had a lot of fear around the unknown nature of my husband’s new business. But when he brought home a list of businesses we could buy, the actual, tangible list of names somehow nailed down my free-floating anxiety to Earth. It solidified my fear into a tangible thing I could tackle. Once that happened, my fear mostly evaporated, leaving in its place a list of things to do.
So I’m clinging onto my surfboard these days with all I’ve got. Sometimes I’m on top of the wave and sometimes I’m wondering if the top of the curl is going to crush me. But I’m learning how to get make time for myself, get back into my body, and re-connect with Source.
I’m working really hard on trusting the Universe, so I can relax and enjoy my ride through the ocean.
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Kara Thompson :: Copyright 2010
Thank you to JenavieveMarie for the beautiful photo. See her other great stuff at http://www.flickr.com/photos/blackstarryskyy/4644606463/