The desk is tilting horribly, as it is missing pieces. There are still toys clustered in the corner. There are still empty boxes stacked to the side of the desk. The white candle I’m burning is scraped and burns unevenly. But the hardest part was finally accomplished. I finally started.
My home office had been ready for one year. About this time last year, I prepared my home office for the sole purpose of doing my intuitive work. If anyone had asked me, I could have sworn that I really was aching to get in there and do my intuitive work. And yet, there was always some excuse about why I couldn’t do my work there. When I think of it now, I’m astounded at the range of excuses I had.
“I don’t have a proper office chair.” (I still don’t actually. As I write this I’m actually sitting on a found sewing machine stool.)
“My books aren’t organized.”
“The pictures aren’t all hung yet.”
“I need a new laptop.”
“I don’t have an ergonomic keyboard.”
“It’s too messy, the kids toys are everywhere.”
“I don’t have all my special objects arranged how I like them.”
“It’s too full of furniture/toys.”
“It’s too empty.”
“It’s too….it’s not….(fill in the blank here with the excuse of the day).”
I found there was always some reason why I wasn’t quite yet ready sit down and work in that room. It seemed like I just couldn’t get comfortable getting into that room. The smallest excuse could keep me out of there.
Even though I didn’t know it until recently, what I really wasn’t ready for was to honor myself with my very own sacred space to perform this work. The truth was I didn’t feel worthy of this beautiful office with three windows. Surely this office was too beautiful, too roomy, to be just for me, to do my own work.
The funny thing is today when finally started this post, I had no idea I was finally ready. The thing that finally pushed me past wishing and into actually doing, was my commitment this year to babysteps.
This year, I am fully committed to doing one thing each day to show myself and the Universe that I really want to move towards doing as much of my intuitive work as I can. So I knew that day, that no matter what, I had to write even ONE word of an intuitive post. I needed to take just one action to prove to myself and the Universe that I was serious about doing this.
Today, I felt worthy of my beautiful office. Today, I released the need for perfection, and embraced the will to start. I embraced the tilty desk, the scraped up candle, the hard chair and just went for it. Thank God. Finally!! And yet while I sit here, I still struggle with ongoing perfectionism. My inner critic just keeps chattering on, and should-ing me. Surely I should have a more high-minded radio station on to accompany this writing. I should plug in this lap-top, I’m sure the battery is running down. The candlewax is running onto the desk, I should stop and clean it up. All of these constant sabotaging thoughts continue to bother me and pick at the edges of my concentration. I gently acknowledge the criticisms, and then continue on to give my full attention to my work.
Do those excuses sound like you? Is there something you would really like to do, but somehow you just never seem to do it?
If it does, then do yourself a favour, right now. Make a very easy commitment. Take a teeny, tiny, step, and make a commitment just to write 50 words for yourself. That is enough. You have started to nourish your dream, to feed it with your intention and your attention. And if you commit to do this again, and then again, soon your dream will be taking shape.
What dream are you avoiding? What is the biggest excuse stopping you?