Just recently I had a great reading from a fantastic local psychic-medium. One of the guides that wanted to communicate with me, was my dear grandmother. She had passed when I was in my 20’s, so it was so nice to hear from her. I had been thinking about her lots recently (which is incidentally a sign that your passed love one is near you), and I was really missing her.
The reading was fascinating in so many ways, but the information that came through about my grandmother was also soothing, comforting, and reassuring. It was also healing in some way, as I continue to feel a peace from it that I am still cherishing every day.
When I think of unconditional love, my grandmother is the first person that springs to mind. She gave me the kind of attention that a child often dreams about, but quite often does not get, even when that child is loved by her parents. Parents are busy people (just ask me!) and don’t always have the time in daily life to listen fully to their children. In the crush of daily life, as much as it pains me as a mother to admit it to myself, there is not always the time to fully hear and understand the deep thought of a child, or listen for the extra minutes it takes to hear the full particulars of a dearly held wish. But my grandmother always did that for me. When you were with her, she focused her attention and love totally on you. You felt as if were the only person in the world. And if you mentioned you wanted to do something, she would take to that activity, whether it was golfing, or milking a goat, with unbridled enthusiasm, even if she didn’t like it and never had any wish to do it herself.
Since she lived on a farm, I spent many hours doing physical activities with my grandma. Being a child, I thought it was great fun picking washtubs full of peas, buckets of raspberries, or pulling vegetables out of the garden. I treasure all those hours I spent with her in the summer sun, the warm skin caressing my skin, listening to the lazy hum of bees, and smelling the sweet hay maturing in the fields. She taught me so much just by being who she was. She showed me how nature grounds and heals. She showed me how to intuitively give those you love what they need. She showed me that the only prime directive you need is love. She showed me how your inner voice is your truth.
My grandma taught me many domestic arts that my mom didn’t have the time or knowledge to. I learned to crochet, knit, darn a sock, weave, make pie crust, and do laundry by hand. In fact my grandmother’s hard-working, gnarled, strong, veiny hands, kneading bread dough with the strength of a lumber jack, are one of my oldest memories of her. The beauty of my grandmother’s hands was in how strong they were, and all the things they did for us. When she came through in the reading, the medium described how constantly using her hands helped my grandmother soothe herself. “Your grandmother’s balance and meditation, came when she kneading bread dough, punching it down. She got all her stress and worry out that way.” Of course, the medium couldn’t have known that this is what my grandma did most every morning.
Before I went to the reading, I’d been thinking about my grandma continuously for the previous week. The most amazing message the medium gave me was the message she conveyed about how my grandma thinks about me. “She sees you through the same lens that you see her.” That was such a compliment, and such a comfort. If I could be half as good at parenting my children, that my grandmother was in grand-parenting me, I would feel that I had successfully fulfilled my role as a mother in this life.
Another important message the medium passed along, was one for my own mother, who was my grandma’s daughter-in-law. Even though I was child, I could feel the unconditional love that my grandma felt for my mother – even though perhaps nothing was verbally expressed. “She wants you to tell your mother, that she always respected her and thought she was a good mother.” Often on trips to see my grandma, my mother had mentioned to me how much she admired my father’s mother. I think my mom will find this message as comforting as the ones I got from my grandma.
So this Mother’s Day, I invite you to think about and thank, not only your own mother, but about the others that mothered you.
Mothering is a tough job, and I do believe that mothers try to do the best they can, but sometimes that is not enough for their children. There are mothers that don’t or can’t fulfil the mother role for their children. But we can always choose mothering for ourselves, even if it is after the fact. Sometimes we don’t get this chance until we are adults. But whenever and whoever does the mothering, letting others mother us, or mothering ourselves, is something we can do for ourselves, no matter how old we are.
This Mother’s Day ask yourself:
Who were your “other mothers”?
What did they give you that your own mother may not have had the time/capability/capacity to give you?
In honor of a day that honors the Mother, take a moment to thank those important people in your life and tell them what an important role they played for you. If those people have passed, take a moment to reflect on what they did with you and for you, and thank them, and send them your love. They will hear you, just like my grandma did. (I love you grandma.)
From my personal experience, I believe that being a mother is the hardest job there is, and yet the most rewarding. But I also know, that it really does take a village to raise a child, and all of the “other mothers” of that village to give us each child what they need.
Much love to my Mom, and thanks to all the other mothers out there!